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Coming out of the Cabinet

morgan_dhu has devised a meme:

"In looking at how much cronyism there has been recently in appointments at the very highest level of the U.S. government, plaidder has opined that many of the folks she knows on LJ could probably do a better job with their own cronies than the current administration has done with theirs.

Here's Bush cabinet. Make your own cabinet up out of your own friends list, and explain why it would be better."

My problem here is that my friends list isn't very large. So it's all hands on deck. Fortunately, the resumes of some cabinet members are so lame (qualified to be Secretary of Agriculture because you come from Nebraska?) as to make it nearly doable. 

The Vice President 

I don't need someone who agrees with me; I need someone who'll tell me when I'm full of shit. Like Bush, I'm selecting  a VP far more qualified for the presidency than myself. 



White House
Chief of Staff 

There's something badly wrong when the White House Chief of staff is part of the cabinet. When did that happen? 

Being a single mother requires powers of organisation far beyond those of this job.


Office of Management
and Budget

A key portfolio. Should really be a department of state (as indeed it is in Australia). From here, you can block everything. I need someone who won't.  


Department of Agriculture

A Wiccan high priest is a natural choice for this portfolio.




Department of the Interior

Department needs a strong conservationist at the helm. 


Department of Commerce

Marks the grave of American industry similar to the way that Education marks that of the Education system. 


Department of Justice 

Would probably be more in her element over at Treasury but a "radical, socialist, queer, feminist activist" is what this sadly misnamed department desperately needs.


Department of Defense

I'll probably set policy here myself. With its huge budget, Defense should be a pushover for anyone who can organise a piss up in a pub. And this guy can sure do that.



Department of Labor

Portfolio pretty much runs itself so all you have to do is not dick with it by, for example, fiddling with unfair dismissal laws. 


Department of Education

Like Defense, a portfolio with an enormous budget and even less to show for it.



Department of State

Someone with a bit of perspective on world affairs. A natural diplomat. Doesn't mind travelling to dangerous places like Bali.


Department of Energy

The opposite of Labor. Leave it alone and it goes to Hell in a handbasket.


Department of Transportation

This is a portfolio I'd take a lot of interest in, particularly in shipping and air. Balance this with someone who knows rail transport.


Department of Health & Human Services

Unfortunately, no portfolio - even transport - needs major surgery so much as this one.


Department of the Treasury 

The rich should not be expecting any more tax cuts from my administration.


Department of Homeland Security

Needs someone who can pull all of the threads of this empire together.




( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
2nd Oct, 2005 22:59 (UTC)
The socialist in me is delighted. :) Free trade versus not. Do I get to help set policy that leads to World Bank protests?
3rd Oct, 2005 00:40 (UTC)
I don't need to do anything? That sounds like my kind of job!
3rd Oct, 2005 01:06 (UTC)
Oh, yes, I could have lots of fun in the Justice Department. Thanks!
3rd Oct, 2005 03:37 (UTC)
So... you think I'd be a very hands-on cabinet member? Hmmmm, just think, I could push for Green energy and try to wean people away from fossil fuels. (rubs hands)
3rd Oct, 2005 06:59 (UTC)
mine is an evil laugh - as LLoyd George said 'I will squeeze the rich until the pips squeak'

LOL to steve's appointment, I think he should wear that costume to all official functions
3rd Oct, 2005 07:24 (UTC)
I have to say that, given the vast size of the USA, and it's current dependence on oil, I would be strongly advocating rail and busses as opposed to air and private cars as a means of travel.

If the US was prepared to invest what it spent on the war in Iraq in a decent system of public transport, there would be less gridlock on the freeways, and less smog in the air.

Shame we cannot vote for you as President...
3rd Oct, 2005 09:33 (UTC)
Very clever and one of the more interesting memes around ;)
3rd Oct, 2005 14:16 (UTC)
Heads will roll! (Or at least jangle up and down in a satisfying manner.)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )