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You know you're Australian when

This was doing the rounds, post-Australia Day

You know you're Australian when :

1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount
vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil
case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how
often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black
thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really,
truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's
twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but
"Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
19. You believe that cooked-down axle-grease makes a good breakfast
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they
stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course. You betcha!!!
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any
rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as
the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is
not spelt with a "u".
25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery
in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks
for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you
like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is
always polite. (True!! Try it... : )
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for
beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they
call "Anzac cookies".
35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in
37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black
tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the
need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national
anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential
in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".

43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians,
here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
2nd Feb, 2008 08:01 (UTC)
Not gonna forward the list, but.

And, personally, I dispute #13. Oh, not that we do it, but that it makes sense. Likewise #19; vegimite is much tastier than axle grease.

And I'm afraid I don't know what #22 is referring to.
2nd Feb, 2008 10:12 (UTC)
<sings>Am I ever going to see your face again?</sings>
(Holds hand up to ear)
Thousands of voices: No way Jose! @#$% off!

Edited at 2008-02-02 19:56 (UTC)
2nd Feb, 2008 10:05 (UTC)
You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
Guys of a certain age in every nation on earth where these are sold will tell you that this *is* true.

when I was five , i needed both hands to hold a waggon wheel.
now i can hold two in one hand and eat both. personally, I feel this is due to my hands getting bigger, not the wheels getting smaller.
Do you also notice that policemen look more like kids in their late teens, early 20s these days?

2nd Feb, 2008 20:08 (UTC)
From the Wikipedia:

It has been suggested that the supposed shrinkage is due to an adult's fond childhood memory of eating a Wagon Wheel held in a much smaller hand. In Australia however, Arnott's have stated that tray packs of Wagon Wheels were in fact Mini Wagon Wheels and have re-released the original 48g Wagon Wheels.

Also, although the UK Wagon Wheel has barely shrunk, it is still noticeably smaller than the Australian equivalent. The diameter of the Australian version is measured at 88 mm which is 14 mm larger than the UK version. Even though the Australian version is wider in diameter, the UK Wagon Wheel is notably thicker by 4 mm.

Mini Wagon Wheels were a national scandal.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )